Supporting Your Loved One During the Holidays

The holiday season is a busy time of festive events, high expectations, endless to-do lists, and memorable moments with family and friends. But for caregivers supporting older loved ones, the holidays can be an emotionally challenging and exhausting time, especially when marked by changes in a loved one’s physical, mental, or cognitive health. 

Most caregivers juggle additional responsibilities during the holidays to ensure that a loved one’s care needs are met. Still, while addressing these needs, it is equally important to consider the emotional well-being of an older loved one, as many seniors experience feelings of sadness, stress, or grief when the holidays arrive. 

If your loved one is coping with changes in their health, independence, or memory that can dampen their holiday spirit, take an empathetic approach. Focus on supporting their needs, honoring their preferences, and making them feel included this holiday season. In this article, we’ll offer five tips for caregivers and families to do just that.

Quick Navigation 

• Managing emotions and expectations during the holidays 

• Five ways to help your senior loved one feel supported this season  

• Caregiver support for a stress-free holiday

Managing Emotions and Expectations  

Emotions and expectations can often run high during the holidays, as family members of all ages navigate a range of feelings, from excitement to disappointment and everything in between. For parents or family members hosting gatherings, there is always the pressure to have everything “just right” and create a meaningful and memorable experience for everyone.  

However, despite everyone’s best efforts, there are often times when holiday expectations fall short, and enjoying the season requires a shift in perspective. Perhaps a loved one recently lost a spouse or is adjusting after relocating from a longtime home to live nearer to a family member. Maybe a loved one is experiencing memory loss or other changes, which is making it challenging to enjoy holiday traditions as a family.  

And how many of us can relate to a family visit not going as planned, with arrival delays and unexpected illnesses disrupting a much-anticipated holiday gathering.  

Whatever circumstances you’re facing this season, know that you are not alone. A less-than-perfect holiday is more common than you think. Many loved ones experience sadness, regret, resentment, or even anger during the holidays. As the hustle and bustle of the season ensues, responding with patience and empathy and adopting a flexible mindset is key.  

Taking this step, while showing kindness to yourself, and remembering that you are doing the best you can, can help keep emotions and expectations in check. When looking for ways to engage your loved one, encourage them to do the same and help them feel supported and included by incorporating any of the ideas below.

5  Ways to Help Your Loved One Feel Supported During the Holidays

1. Meet them where they are.  

It might go without saying, but meeting your loved one where they are, and adjusting holiday expectations to honor their preferences, can offer a sense of relief—and the greatest return. Look for ways to involve Mom or Dad in an activity or event that they would truly enjoy, without expecting them to “tag along for the fun” that the rest of the family would prefer.  

2. Keep a flexible schedule.

Planning activities and gatherings for the holidays in advance is wonderful, but building flexibility into your schedule is essential when supporting an older loved one. If you’re caring for someone with dementia, maintaining a balance of structure and flexibility is the key to success.  

If a loved one lives at home and a large family gathering is too overwhelming, consider smaller, shorter get-togethers at mealtimes or a time of day when your loved one feels their best. Suppose a loved one resides in an assisted living or memory care community. In that case, it may be best to bring the gathering to their residence or a shared space in the community, rather than coordinate a family visit off-site. If family members express disappointment with this arrangement, emphasize the importance of minimizing confusion and disruption and maintaining consistent routines for your loved one. 

3. Give them a role in continuing traditions.  

Preserving traditions across generations is important to many older loved ones, as it helps them feel connected to their past and the people they love most.  

Does Mom now live in an assisted living or memory care community? Inquire about using space in your loved one’s community for your family’s holiday cookie-baking tradition. Volunteer to make cookies with your loved one and perhaps a few fellow residents, allowing Mom the opportunity to share a meaningful tradition with others. 

Whatever the tradition, find a role that your loved one can play. Whether it be wrapping gifts, hiding the elf, setting the table, making holiday favors, or passing hors d'oeuvres, they’ll have something to do that will help them feel valuable and busy at the same time.

4. Arrange a memorable family activity for and with your loved one.  

If your loved one enjoys getting out and about for a holiday activity, consider arranging something with a few family members to make the event even more memorable. The following is a quick list of ideas you can try: 

• Attend a holiday show. Think of an event your loved one would enjoy, whether it’s a theater production, a bell choir performance, a symphony, a ballet, a concert with a local band, or a similar offering.  

• Tour a local museum or historic site decorated for the holiday. Many museums and historic sites offer special events and activities during the holidays, such as a Festival of Trees, strolling carolers, or a pop-up holiday market. Try to coordinate your visit during a time when there are fewer crowds for a more pleasant experience. 

• Plan a holiday drive. If a loved one has limited mobility or doesn’t enjoy large gatherings, schedule a holiday drive. Arrange for a stop or two along the way to enjoy the scenery, a good cup of coffee, or a holiday lights display. 

• Visit a favorite bakery, specialty market, or restaurant. Memories of the holidays often include an annual stop at a favorite bakery or market for a seasonal treat. Take a quick trip with a loved one to pick up a traditional dessert or browse the available options. Or enjoy dining out at a nearby restaurant known for its festive décor. 

• Enjoy a church service or other meaningful event. If your loved one has limited transportation or is no longer able to drive, offer to bring them to an Advent service or another special event. Attend with them if possible, so they have a helping hand if needed.  

If attending service in person is too tricky, inquire about a live streaming option that your loved one can take advantage of from the comfort of their home. This can provide a meaningful connection that helps them to not only feel included but also find a sense of peace during the season.

5. Slow down and reconnect with what truly matters.  

Remember that holidays, with their excitement and fun, can become quite loud and overwhelming for some older loved ones. Imagine sitting in a busy room full of conversation when you’re having difficulty hearing, or feeling frustrated when vision challenges make it hard to see what everyone else is enjoying. Too much sensory stimulation can also cause agitation for those living with dementia. 

When having Mom or Dad join a large family gathering, set up a quiet space where they can step away if needed. Activities such as puzzles, crafts, watercolor painting, cookie decorating, or viewing family photo albums can be perfect for this purpose. Whenever possible, find calming surroundings where your loved one can reconnect with family members in a reassuring setting.  

Encourage relatives to engage in conversation, share memories and reminisce, and enjoy simple pleasures like reading a classic holiday story, singing along to favorite songs, watching a movie, and reflecting on the true meaning of the season. 

Balancing the expectations of family members with the increased needs of an older loved one during the holidays is not always easy. But with the right approach, caregivers can find practical options that respect your loved one’s preferences and bring the whole family together for memory-making and fun. Still feeling unsure of how to support your loved one during this time? Connect with a member of our Stoney Brook team for resources that can help. 

Looking for Caregiver Support this Season? 

Managing caregiver responsibilities on your own through another busy holiday season can be challenging, but instead of shouldering tasks alone, talk to us about how we can help! Our Stoney Brook teams have partnered with families year after year to create a home and community environment where senior loved ones truly thrive.  

Visit one of our assisted living or memory care communities in Central Texas to experience our relationship-centered approach to care, meet our team, and talk with other caregivers about why they chose a Stoney Brook community for their loved one. Until then, be sure to subscribe to our blog for free articles and additional guidance for seniors and their caregivers.  

We wish you and your family a wonderful holiday season and a happy and healthy new year! Here’s to a joy-filled year!