Talking to a Loved One About Senior Living, Part Two: Helpful Questions to Ask

Talking to a loved one about senior living, and knowing what to say and how to say it, is not always an easy task. But asking the right questions can go a long way in opening a dialogue where everyone feels seen and heard.

Most caregivers worry about finding the right balance when having this conversation. They want to respect a loved one’s independence and ability to make decisions, but they also want to communicate concerns with clarity and empathy.

Easing into the conversation using the questions below can help caregivers share their perspective while minimizing the reactive emotions that prevent practical next steps. Encourage your loved one to reflect on their options and consider the possibility of change, speaking candidly about it. As you listen and learn, you can guide the discussion successfully, while affirming your love and support.

Quick Navigation:

• Start the conversation about senior living with these nine questions that encourage self-reflection and an honest response.
• Senior living has many benefits. But before you read off a list of amenities, ask these questions instead!
• Moving forward with each conversation and practical next steps

Helpful Questions to Ask When Talking with a Loved One About Senior Living

Bringing up the topic of senior living can make an older loved one feel uneasy—but it doesn’t have to! Whether you’re a full-time caregiver or just beginning to notice a loved one’s changing needs, communicating early and often about the possibilities of senior living is key.

Start the conversation with the questions below. Open-ended and perfect for discussion, they can help your loved one explore the benefits of making a lifestyle change while empowering them to take the lead.

Q: How do you feel about your daily routine?

Start off by asking your loved one about their typical day. How do they feel about managing their daily routine? Has their routine changed at all in recent months? If so, why the change? Invite them to reflect on their daily tasks, including morning, afternoon, and evening activities, and consider how much time they dedicate to maintaining their health, home, and overall comfort.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to think about the time they spend managing routine tasks compared with the maintenance-free lifestyle of senior living.

Q: How would you describe an enjoyable/ideal day?

If Mom or Dad could plan their ideal day, what would it consist of? What part of their daily routine do they enjoy? Ask them to envision their favorite activities—not just the things they used to do, but things they would still love to do if given the right opportunity. Whatever the response—whether it’s a simple hot espresso in the morning or a relaxing afternoon walk, or a wish that takes them to a famed local attraction or a coveted concert performance—talk about the possibilities that exist in senior living.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to envision their day filled with moments of connection, relaxation, learning, and fun, rather than just responsibility.

Q: How do you feel about living alone?

When asking this question, focus on the emotional impact of living alone, as these feelings can provide valuable insights into their current living situation. While some older adults love the freedom and quietness of solo living, others may feel bored and isolated. Some may dislike the idea of being alone, but feel intimidated by the premise of living in a large community with people their own age.

Ask your loved one what concerns they have about living alone. Do they worry about their safety or often feel lonely? Do they limit their physical activity, avoid certain tasks, or neglect their health because of a less-than-ideal home environment? Consider how they truly feel about life at home and invite them to think of other options.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to think about the pros and cons of living alone and the benefits of senior living.

Q: What causes stress, frustration, or anxiety for you at home?

When a caregiver has concerns about a loved one living alone, but their loved one doesn’t share those concerns, this question may help. You may learn that a loved one is afraid of falling and only uses a few rooms of the house. Or you may find they are struggling to remember certain details, such as how to prepare their favorite meals. Whatever the response, invite them to think about the peace of mind that comes with having access to support whenever they need it.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to consider the benefits of having community staff available to provide support and assistance as needed.

Q: What makes it difficult to manage day-to-day responsibilities in your home?

When asking this question, focus on the daily challenges that come with home maintenance. Perhaps a loved one is struggling with navigating a multi-floor living environment, managing finances, coordinating transportation, cooking, laundry, or simply getting around. Identify the most challenging aspects and ask how they believe these challenges can be addressed.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to recognize and acknowledge their need for support. This might happen gradually, and that’s okay.

Q: How often do you socialize and connect with other people?

The importance of social connection only grows as we age, and research continues to suggest the value of regular face-to-face interactions with other people. If living a healthy, active life is essential to your loved one, socialization must be a priority.

Even if you already know the answer to this question, ask your loved one to identify the time they spend interacting with other people in any given week. How often do they visit with family members or friends? How frequently do they call family members on the telephone? Are they disappointed when they can’t spend more time with you? If your loved one’s social circle is shrinking, adding opportunities for engagement is critical to preventing feelings of isolation and depression.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to reflect on the relationships that support them as they age, and the benefits of connections found within a community setting.

Q: What do you think about downsizing?

Downsizing can stir a mix of emotions. Find out what your loved one thinks about the possibility of moving by asking this question. What makes them feel nervous, overwhelmed, or concerned? Would they prefer to manage this process themselves or have a family member handle the responsibility?

Goal: If a loved one is concerned about downsizing, use this opportunity to speak with a senior living community’s family advisor who can offer resources, recommendations, referrals, and support for a senior living move.

Q: If you chose to move to an assisted living community, what would be your most significant concern?

Listen carefully and encourage your loved one to share their concerns without reservation. Most older adults note that fears about privacy, losing their independence, or adapting to change are top of mind. Some are concerned that they will lose valuable connections with family members should they choose to move. For many individuals, the cost of senior living is a huge factor. Be sure to validate their concerns and provide as much information as possible to dispel common fears and myths.

Goal: Encourage your loved one to join you when visiting a community, as many of these concerns can be addressed in person during a tour.

Q: Why might you consider moving to a senior living community in the future?

You may feel strongly that now is the right time for your loved one to move, but they may not be emotionally ready to envision this change. Encourage them to consider why they might move in the future, and ask them what conditions would influence their timing.

Appeal to their curiosity and invite them to stay connected to a community’s social media pages so they can view the community from a distance, while seeing what daily life is like. You can also speak with current residents and their families to gain a deeper understanding of their experiences, which can help move the conversation forward.

Goal: Help your loved one navigate the decision-making process and think about the right time to move.

Beyond the Conversation: Making Connections

Discussing senior living with a loved one is more than just one conversation. It’s one of many conversations, as caregivers listen, learn, and offer next steps, such as downloading a brochure, speaking to a physician, or touring a community.

Visiting a community for the first time can be one of the most beneficial decisions you and your loved one make when exploring senior living options. Not only will you be connected with the expertise of a senior living professional, but you’ll also be introduced to new friends and a welcoming community that will help your loved one imagine themselves at home in their new setting.

If your loved one is still feeling unsure about making a change, Stoney Brook senior living experts are here to help! To connect with a member of our team and schedule a visit to one of our Central Texas assisted living or memory care communities, contact us today. Or subscribe to our blog to explore free, insightful resources dedicated to helping seniors and their caregivers—for all your future conversations!